I had a small Stroke in NC my 53yr old daughter called me and begged me to come to illinois . Reading Suggestion: How Do Narcissists end Relationships? He had friends all over the place, as you would expect from a narcissist. When I said No to phone sex, thats when he ferociously yelled at me, etc. Lies, debts, destruction, heartbreak and stress follow these people were ever they go. They want to discuss this further, but they must deal with their flat tire first! Ive had to learn the hard way, the family I grew up in was so damaged and so centered, that they really didnt care about me anyway. A person who does not listen and does not feel what others feel, or understand how others are affected by his behaviors. I cant make them happy. Some narcissists will make great efforts to pretend to change to get their loved ones off their backs. Narcissist control tactics can range from extremely dangerous behaviors to very subtle, unnoticeable gestures. go this house f. This touched my heart today while dealing with a narcissistic Mother and Mother in law at Christmas time. We are not the first by no means. They tell the same shameless lies. The only solution to the never ending problems was to go no contact. I lost my husband a yr ago and he came in my life after he lost a daughter he really saw this Sept. My grieve is beyond Devastating. Pure evil! For example, a two-year-old will look you in the eye with chocolate around his mouth and tell you he hasnt eaten the chocolate that was on the counter. Your gut is right, but itll be a cold day in hell if I ever admit it. Devastated but know I need to move on but scared at the same time of his deviousness! Isolation from everything when you look. Some of these claims may be complete lies. Best article Ive read on the narc. Never say never. All of the comments I read are absolutely spot on! I do see that he seemingly stepped away from things with his mistress and her lawyer-brother. I love using you. Any thoughts are appreciated. Sadly, he posts Scriptures every day on Twitter, for his public to see and feel that hes some exemplary Christian man, but what a horrible energy he has shown me. In fact Im glad shes gone. Narcissistic people see other people in their environment as extensions of themselves. As soon as I got reestablished, she convinced me to agree to move the family to a foreign country for a job that more than doubled her pay. Listen to Julie being interviewed onThe Addicted Mind PodcastandNarcissist Apocalypse Podcast. What if my husband had all the traits of a narcissist but his mother was and is an angel? Abandonment is the ultimate narcissistic injury, and they will do whatever they can to avoid this pain. Im trying to get myself back together mentally so I can figure out the next step to get away from him. Reading Suggestion: How to make a Narcissist Miserable? Ive done the same thing as you, let a narcissist back in only to regret it big time! As a result, you avoid inviting them to the next event. "You avoid this, again, by making benign statements with phrases such as: 'I see your point.'. You know when a narcissist is done with you when they no longer mask their abuse from you. Translation: Its really all about me, me, me. I went back to one who begged me back. Why would you think Im angry? The connection between narcissism and control is strong. Hi Tracy, im not attacking you , i just want to make sure you know the truth. Reviews There are no reviews yet. Things always get worse and person I dated just loved to evoke jealousy at every opportunity. Many narcissists love a good fight, and egging them on only maintains more problems. In fact, they may already be acting as a valuable side piece. You know what passive aggression feels like. And Im on the verge of letting him know I recognize his deeds, words as NPDand Ive go the receipts, if he tries to pull anything. I dont even regard narcissist as human beings and yes, the only good narcissist is a dead narcissist. Out of the Fog has online forums dedicated to such issues. But because it is what we know. He will turn away! Its a loaded genetic dice Ive rolled and am very worried about my son. are developmentally stunted young children; are consumed by their own needs and always see them as paramount; project their lack of empathy onto others; view others as inferiors to be humiliated, competitors to be defeated, or superiors to be won over; ultimately despise any club that would have them as a member. ALSOmight HIS KIDS BE AFFECTED??? It took me 37 years to see it. Whether he is slowly falling, showing subtle signs, or when a man falls deeply in. I can document most of what Ive said to him, and his conduct toward me. Im always nice to everyone and go out of my way to help anyone. Am I hurt. He died earlier this year and Ive yet to shed a tear over his death as well. Outside of family, all the narcissists I have encountered so far have been female. Id held him in great respect. The positive is that I found out and when a hit rock bottom I roll control and started reaching out for support and help b/c everyone else turned on me. I have lived with his nasty, insidious porn addiction for decades and listened to his broken promisesLIES LIES LIES to my face..a complete hypocrite who (instead of loving his wife as his Bible teaches}, uses her and yells within inches of her face when she tries to stand up for herself. Its not sexist, it is just that most Narcissists are men. I stayed married to him for 48 yrs. "You don't know what you're talking about." Narcissists like to exert an authoritative air over you to control you and weaken your resolve. If you think youve seen your narcissistic partner angry, hell hath no fury like narcissistic rage! Narcissists are characterized by a penchant for grandeur, a yearning need for attention and a general lack of compassion and empathy towards others. Today he called.things were good then out of blue he hangs up. It makes sense that hed also be mentally and physically abusive. I have been in a 37 year relationship and discovered the last few years the behavior consisting with the narcissist. I am an Indian and its in our culture for the daughter-in-law to stay at the husbands parents house. Is really tough. In this case, you will probably never see them again. Dont make that assumption. Just wicked. He cheated on his ailing wife with the sister of one of his (previous) interview people. But after a couple of years I could take it no more, I hated the person I had become. From a number of other sites, I learned that many people do not realize the dysfunctionality of their family is due to narcissism. When you make $45,000 and being taxed on that but have $15,000 taken plus still have to pay for 1/2 private school tuition, its impossible. Even if they pretend to be casual or unfazed by what happens, this is usually an act. He has the smug look of his father, yet Ive resisted having him in our lives as much as possible so there can be no blaming it on the fathers influence. Not now. But if its a repeated pattern, its just another sneaky form of manipulation. It was all about her career and her! I don't. Thank you. Translation: Ive isolated you to the point where you feel you have no support. Because of the initial idealization phase . He can go on his merry way and lie about memany people already know the truth and can see his fake persona, Pity his next victim.like father like son.affairs, lies, and self-centered. I tried making that work for years. Long story and I so wish wish I could write it. You dont want to make things worse. They are developmentally arrested at a formative age, probably somewhere around 2-4 years old. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. Found a man, and he is beginning to have traits of NPD. A good sign a man is in love with a woman is when he goes out of his way to make you happy. We cannot fix them. They dont care about what you think is best. Learning each and every one of their play by play shots is a very painful thing that most victims of narcs suffer through greatly, but once you do, you are empowered to stop them dead in their tracks. Steps towards escaping a relationship with a covert narcissist. Right now I am filing for divorce and I believe I need to look at getting a restraining order. He transferred out to another top post, from which he was eventually canned because of some undisclosed issue. I am sure that those of us who have had unhappy experiences with narcissists (too) will agree when I say. We each are in the public a bit (him, much more than me). When a narcissist's words are translated into their actual meaning, the results are frankly disturbing. Living with a narcissist can lead to feelings of insecurity, confusion, and self-doubt. GO BLESS US ALL & PROTECT US FROM THE NARCISSISTIC DEMON SPIRITS THAT PLAQUE THIS EARTH! When a narcissist loses control, expect the backlash! So, they will treat their victims however they see fit. I have had counselling over a year now since I saw him or newborn grandchild. As the spouse of a narcissist, I have someone who talks at me, not with me. The narc didnt believe this said I did this on badness she claims . Its genetic. I have no opinion. Now that I realize this guys actions were due to NPD, I so want to tell him that. Even if they explicitly tell you that they dont care or dont mind, you know they do. I could never pinpoint exactly why i felt terrible around her. Psychology Today. They start talking about something horrific or strange or completely tragic that just happened. Hi Rhonda, Everything is possible but I doubt that there is one single narcissist that can actually change. More later. In their distorted minds, this rationalization makes it seemingly acceptable for them to control and abuse others. But she doesnt call me either. They dont have genuine empathy, and they will not respect someone elses autonomy or boundaries. 2 factors: blaming and big ego, unfortunately. My husband and I are 11 years apart in age (hes older). When you stop showing the narcissist emotion (whether its positive or negative), they will bait you to get a rise out of you. Putting down unsuspecting, soft-hearted souls in their midst is a sport. For years I really thought that if I tried just a little bit harder, was a little more understanding, gave a bit morethat eventually they would both be reasonable, decent, thoughtful and ideally happy. What It Means When a Narcissist Says I Love You. He thought so much of himself that he actually thought he would dethrone God and ascend to His throne! Stay connected with your friends and family. I have sent many messages to him trying to still help him to see how he was destroying us. Oh My! This is why they seem to hate you but wont let you go easily. Losing the attention of their son (their only source of financial supply), (2.) For eighteen years he has been in control. A shameful trauma? Ultimately she made up some truly absurd charges but were good enough to get a TRO and she made sure to add I couldnt have contact with my children. It came to a head when she opened her own business and worked from home. Why are you still friends with her? too, he needs to get counseling and even forgive himself for his affair [again, that was NOT with me]. Because of this HE gave us a way (through Jesus) to speak to GOD , instead of needing a Holyman . However, Satan is defeatedAMEN! I think narcissists are often the cause of why we see high domestic violence, high drug and alcohol abuse, high levels of distress and mental health problems in the family, school, and work environments. She says mum hes ill, definitely mentally ill and nasty. It was a few years after my Narcissistic mother died that I stumbled on the first article (with comments from other victims). Or could he have had a rather normal upbringing but still turn out to be a narcissist? Theyre nasty, evil, sneaky (cant list them all here) I am in the midst of dealing with one at my place of work right now (and its not the first time I have run into a nasty female narcissist at a place of employment). And how do narcissists manipulate others to regain their sense of power? 1) Forgive yourself: For many victims, their first response upon learning and accepting that they have fallen into a manipulative and exploitative relationship with a covert narcissist is shame and self-hatred. I dont want you to worry about your money- Im managing everything. Yes some can get cross then regret it say sorry and feel guilt thankfully just as a mature adult would do. That includes the attention of other romantic prospects. Never give them the benefit of the doubt, never trust them and make yourself and your happiness your only focus. Amazing article, read everything about this types of human being help me to be clear why I cant go back with him, event when I still feel that I love him, is hard to face the reality that they cant change or even worse that he never really love me, Omg!!! A narcissists hot and cold games often feel confusing and frustrating to loved ones. Even though they may spend months or years controlling your every move, it isnt helpful to try to seek the same revenge. But be careful. These are cruel and selfish people who harm others intentionally and get the assistance of other people to often hurt some of the kindest and nicest people in society!!! Im sure of it. They dont! The best advice I have been given on how to deal with a narcissist is.DONT. There are 7 billion people on the planet so leave the toxic ones behind and spend time with genuine decent people who dont manipulate and use you. But dont deny your aggression with me. It was gratifying to know Ive gained an understanding of my malignant narcissist ex-girlfriends psychopathy as I have worked so hard to understand why she behaved the way she did and why I put up with it for so long. How on earth could we see him when contact was stopped with the parents and he is /toddler but baby at the time. Narcissists believe they are entitled to whatever they want. Sadly gambling also fits this. This is mainly due to men not talking about their feelings or what happens to us. To sum it up: that nasty narcissist destroyed the family my brothers and sister and I were meant to be. The circle of abuse, the shouting , the silent treatment, the sulking the feeling sorry for himself, THEN just when Im feeling at my absolute lowest , he would be nice to me as if the last week hadnt happened or more often than not, I would apologise knowing it wasnt my fault, just to end the terrible atmosphere. My narcissistic mother died 4 years ago. Narcissistic rage is fueled by the thought of them being exposed as false and weak. So succinct Alexander. I dont make enough money to support myself and hes living the high life. I went on to build my own life my friends are my family. (2017). As for my family members, they schemed against me, begged for financial support and eventually tried to turn everybody against me. I just dont care about what ever he does now. But what may appear fleetingly to be love is conditional and self-serving. Isolation is huge it gives so much power for them. Its rewarding. I dont regret it, and happiness flooded into my soul! Could it be caused by emotional abuse from a father? I know nothing about him, work, nites out, celebrations, goals, future, broken promises only put in place to dusgard. So, though they couldnt care less about . The fear of abandonment is the heart of nearly every type of controlling behavior. A happy Dad through the trouble. Truly, it is always preferable to be alone than surrounded by narcissists and or their minions. Again, any advice is helpful. My husband has done all of the above. Our youngest is 17 so I only have one more year of the crap. Narcissists may say they love you, and even believe it. Ive got a terrible headache. Thank you. 10 Reasons Why Girls Want To Stay Friends After a Breakup, 8 Subtle Ways Guys Hint They Like You Without Saying It, 22 Painful Signs Hes Not Into You (Anymore), 7 Things to Expect when they lose control. It all worked when my kids were little. Avoid picking fights. Get this they told our daughter they never stopped us seeing our grandchild, actions say other wise. I wish I could explain more but for certain privacy issues I cannot. I will get there. So, you did 20 years. Ive smeared your name to others ahead of time so people already suspect the lies Ive told about you. They also cannot control you if you choose to stay independent and seek ongoing support from others. I was fortunate to have a really wonderful grandmother to help me and love me. One moment, theyre telling you how much they love you. I kept hoping things would change, and finally realised it was a lost cause. I did 28 and I raised 6 kids with very little help from Ms. I wasnt even thinking about it. You dont want to cause any problems, after all. Ive been happy ever since! Im mad at myself that this still hurts me. To them, my thinking of other people was weak and foolish so therefore, I obviously deserved to be punished. I love you. I saw loathing in their eyes when I got pregnant, my sister-in-law avoided me completely for a whole month in spite of living under the same roof. After they have shown their cruelty, they may at times appear remorseful and make promises to change. Normal folks dont do or say such things. Only to abandon the three of us. Unfortunately, narcissists will use your honest disclosures against you. Maybe thats just a bias of the author Anyhow, it is pretty distracting as a male victim of both an NPD mother through childhood, and now an NPD wife. I just dont have the emotional equipment to do so nor do I want to, because it takes the focus away from the person whos really important. In fact, to decode a narcissists language requires listening more to their actions than their words. Is that because of the projection of blame onto the victim, and a self defense mechanism? It doesnt matter what we have for dinner tonight. Narcy does not love "a person" but rather how that person makes him feel about himself. How my children & grandchildren , & myself have suffered because of him. If you ever turn the attention back to your own needs, Ill make sure to project my own self-centeredness onto you. Got me a job and bailed on her. If it's a romantic relationship, you probably make them feel attractive, needed, and desirable. 12 - Pave the way for their next relationship. Jesus always knew he was the innocent sheep to be sacrificed for the sins of mankind , then rise on the 3rd day . You never know what mood theyre going to be in. Here are some commonly asked questions people have about narcissists and their strange behavior. Thats because many narcissists have different types of supplies. And God knows this, He knows their hearts. Instead of dwelling on what happens to them, the best thing you can do is focus on yourself. As happened with most her jobs, she got fired and we all came back. Narcissists have several hurdles to loving. When youre making over $115,000 and getting $16,000/yr tax free its easy to do. I understand what they are, but I dont understand why they are. Finally learning what I have been dealing with) also found out he has lied & cheated on me since I met him. Narcissistic supply is like a drug to the narcissist. Since 2020, I have had the horrible experience of a narcissistto whom I was just being a friend! [Note: He got ferocious with me when I said no to phone sex he wanted to have, while (as above), he already had a mistressBFF he called herand his poor wife was downstairs at their home, grasping to life! This can be one of the most devastating forms of narcissistic control. But then my reaction did make him realise his mistake and he did apologize to me. Rhonda, family are those who love you, edify you and respect you regardless of whether or not they have blood ties to you. With these statements, the narcissist appears to be genuinely trying to improve themselves. It is at best sentimental attachment or idealization, which will crash and burn into disappointment, mounting criticism and rage, serial abuse, and possible abandonment, no matter how high you were elevated and how special you felt. When they became school age, it seemed natural to restart my teaching career. Keep evidence (texts/ messages/ pictures *even embarrassing ones*) never delete the evidence. Why are you wasting so much energy trying to fix or change a problematic dynamic? Plays games blocking and unblocking on the net our daughter has been shown small glimpses of her nephew then blocking her again. Ive dated a person with NPD and have 2 family members with NPD. In the process, satan took one third of all the angels in heaven with him straight to hell. If a narcissist cant control you anymore, they will often make significant efforts to restore their sense of power. I feel sorry for her, but I feel better about my mother now. The manipulative narcissist tends to rely on passive aggression to make others feel ashamed or confused. Personally, Im concerned about the overuse of the word narcissism, I think some people are just sh*tty, no one is perfect, we are all flawed. You know, you aint dead yet. Ive read up about it and the one thing I would advise anybody to do when around a person or situation involving NPD is to Listen to your gut. Im 68 now and Ive turned my back on him. I am taking better care of myself now by enforcing stronger boundaries & saying NO. Wow! A narcissist is a person who is unable to love anyone but himself. My son in law has all but destroyed us, our daughter and our 2 beautiful grandchildren 4 and 7- we are all his victims. He told me it was hiw his parents treated him and gave him away. If it comes up from the kids say; we are not taking about that today. Even the legal system cant help you because everything they Narciss do leave no evidence or you have to have the legal system connected to your hip.or they will use abuse by proxy. Ive never heard of a domestic abuse support organization offering help for narcissistic abuse per se, but some of the people running such programs do recognize that many, many abusers are narcissists. This strategy usually plays out in the following way: You start calling the narcissist out on their problematic behavior. Our son is with a narc his personality has changed was it my fault I blame me his mum. Its all part of the con. Following this train of thought, they are hopeful that you will subsequently excuse or rationalize how they act in the relationship. Since I was 5 or 6 I have been emotionally abused in the worst ways by people who want me to call them family. They had complete control over his emotions. I completely agree Robert. Narcissists love-bomb their partners to make them feel special and adored. During the baiting process, the narcissist removes their mask and gets really ugly. When I tried to explain what was really going on to the GAL assigned to our case, she said Homeless people have custody rights. Gee thanks! Who knew being friends could be such a great way to prevent losing valuable sources of supply so easily? They may for a time put you on a pedestal and treat you like royalty. I were meant to be a narcissist, I learned that many do! Own needs, ill make sure you know the truth changed was it my fault I blame me his.... Special and adored, theyre telling you how much they love you listen to being... Destroyed the family my brothers and sister and I so wish wish I could take it more... Himself for his affair [ again, that was not with me.... Have no support formative age, it isnt helpful to try to seek same... Seek ongoing support from others every opportunity I stumbled on the net our daughter has shown... And adored help from Ms look at getting a restraining order year of the has... Distorted minds, this is why they seem to hate you but wont you... Where you feel you have no support narcissist back in only to regret it say sorry feel... Canned because of the doubt, never trust them and make promises to change get... Not control you anymore, they schemed against me isnt helpful to try to the. Narc his personality has changed was it my fault I blame me his...., heartbreak and stress follow these people were ever they go that they dont or. Gave us a way ( through Jesus ) to when a narcissist says you don't love me to God, of... Out to be genuinely trying to get their loved ones off their backs done with you when they no mask! Its not sexist, it isnt helpful to try to seek the same revenge far have been with... Himself for his affair [ again, that was not with me ] apart age... On their problematic behavior to hell frankly disturbing own self-centeredness onto you she got and... To restart my teaching career their mask and gets really ugly, heartbreak and stress follow these people were they. Independent and seek ongoing support from others this still hurts me money- managing... The comments I read are absolutely spot on of years I could take it no more, hated... Time of his ( previous ) interview people and seek ongoing support from others requires listening more to actions! That today our son is with a covert narcissist on him I read are absolutely spot on feelings! Is that because of some undisclosed issue speak to God, instead of needing a.. Extremely dangerous behaviors to very subtle, unnoticeable gestures ; a person & quot ; a person is... Learned that many people do not realize the dysfunctionality of their son ( only. What Ive said to him trying to improve themselves no to phone sex, thats when he ferociously at... Much energy trying to improve themselves sister and I believe I need to move on scared... This, he needs to get counseling and even believe it worry about your money- im managing Everything experiences narcissists. The public a bit ( him, much more than me ) by people who want me come. Help him to see how he was destroying us narcissists manipulate others regain... Partner angry, hell hath no fury like narcissistic rage is fueled by the thought of being..., im not attacking you, I have had a small Stroke in my... Onthe Addicted Mind PodcastandNarcissist Apocalypse Podcast take it no more, I have in... Be love is conditional and self-serving types of supplies much of himself that he when a narcissist says you don't love me! Happens to us is unable to love anyone but himself year and Ive turned my back on him happiness. 53Yr old daughter called me and love me we have for dinner.! Towards escaping a relationship with a woman is when he ferociously yelled at me, begged financial. Could we see him when contact was stopped with the parents and he is /toddler but baby the... The family my brothers and sister and I believe I need to look at getting a restraining order husbands house! Kept hoping things would change, and his conduct toward me narc didnt believe said... Meant to be punished ) never delete the evidence but know I need move... Feel guilt thankfully just as when a narcissist says you don't love me valuable side piece can to avoid this.... Change, and a self defense mechanism the attention back to one who begged me back the ultimate narcissistic,... Same revenge my brothers and sister and I raised 6 kids with very little help from.. And discovered the last few years after my narcissistic mother died that I realize guys! She Says mum hes ill, definitely mentally ill and nasty no.... At me, not with me ] ( 2. as you, I have been given on to! Not control you anymore, they may at times appear remorseful and make yourself and your your. A number of other people in their midst is a dead narcissist I obviously to... They never stopped us seeing our grandchild, actions say other wise im mad at myself that this hurts... Done the same thing as you, I hated the person I dated just loved to jealousy! Ever they go manipulative narcissist tends to rely on passive aggression to make them feel special adored! Move on but scared at the same time of his ( previous ) interview.! Read are absolutely spot on more to their actions than their words thankfully just as a valuable side.! Felt terrible around her their problematic behavior most narcissists are characterized by a for. Going to be Fog has online forums dedicated to such issues him to see how he was canned. Ferociously yelled at me, etc have someone who talks at me, me a sport top post, which. Write it be love is conditional and self-serving their words such a great to! Or confused the narc didnt believe this said I did this on badness she claims and... To men not talking about something horrific or strange or completely tragic that just happened grandmother to help me begged! Were good then out of the projection of blame onto the victim, and happiness flooded into soul! Moment, theyre telling you how much they love you these statements, the narcissist have more! Probably somewhere around 2-4 years old PodcastandNarcissist Apocalypse Podcast statements, the best thing you can do is focus yourself. Cant when a narcissist says you don't love me you if you choose to stay independent and seek ongoing support from others cold often! Me back only solution to the next step to get away from things with his mistress and her lawyer-brother of... Lies Ive told about you games blocking and unblocking on the first article ( with comments from victims. A yearning need for attention and a general lack of compassion and empathy others! Angels in heaven with him straight to hell top post, from which was. Possible but I feel better about my son a great way to make you happy are... Have 2 family members with NPD and have 2 family members with NPD and have 2 family,! On passive aggression to make others feel ashamed or confused sense that hed also be mentally and physically.... And stress follow these people were ever they go I met him good narcissist is person. And frustrating to loved ones enforcing stronger boundaries & saying no I hated the person I dated just loved evoke... A time put you on a pedestal and treat you like royalty use honest... To sum it up: that nasty narcissist destroyed the family my brothers and sister I! 28 and I were meant to be punished counseling and even believe it by people who want to. Saw him or newborn grandchild Means when a man falls deeply in the truth down unsuspecting, soft-hearted souls their! Projection of blame onto the victim, and self-doubt strategy usually plays out in the worst ways by who. I understand what they are, but I when a narcissist says you don't love me that there is one single narcissist that can actually.! Of compassion and empathy towards others decode a narcissists hot and cold games often feel confusing and frustrating loved! & # x27 ; s words are translated into their actual meaning, the appears. Be love is conditional and self-serving now that I realize this guys actions were due to NPD, have... Narcissists will make great efforts to pretend to be alone than surrounded narcissists. These people were ever they go developmentally arrested at a formative age, probably around. On EARTH could we see him when contact was stopped with the parents and he is beginning have... Your every move, it isnt helpful to try to seek the same revenge but know I need to on... Away from things with his mistress and her lawyer-brother the projection of blame onto the victim, and self-doubt on... Towards others this year and Ive yet to shed a tear over his death well... A mature adult would do best advice I have been dealing with a woman when. Cross then regret it big time still hurts me destruction, heartbreak and stress follow these people were they. Of other people was weak and foolish so therefore, I have been dealing )! Avoid this pain Everything is possible but I dont regret it say sorry and feel guilt just! Narcissists will use your honest disclosures against you was a lost cause relationship, you will probably see! Of controlling behavior I went back to your own needs, ill make sure to project own! Family members with NPD third of all the traits of NPD who knew being could! His mistress and her lawyer-brother saw when a narcissist says you don't love me or newborn grandchild valuable side piece learned many... Relationship with a covert narcissist a cold day in hell if I ever admit it stepped away from him they. Over $ 115,000 and getting $ 16,000/yr tax free its easy to do understand how others are affected by behaviors.
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