I speak as a trauma survivor. Mackenzie Phillips was born on November 10, 1959 and is 63 years old now. He had visited her the night before her wedding in 1979. Phillips also enjoys solving strategy questions at work, like what types of therapy work best for which patients. He was able to make it onto a donor list and in July 1992, John underwent liver transplant surgery at the UCLA Medical Center. The Emmy-winning actress shared a close bond with Franklin and cherished her years on "One Day at a Time.". It's one of those things where you tell yourself don't look. Princess Diana's nieces Lady Eliza and Amelia share Fabulous in fuchsia! However, John didn't abide those rules, as the pull of addiction proved overwhelming. Sam Gillette is a books Writer/Reporter for People.com and People Magazine. According to People, in 2009 she revealed in her autobiography that both she and her father were on drugs at the time. His daughter, Mackenzie Phillips, became one of the biggest stars on TV in the 1970s and 1980s with her role as rebellious teen Julie Cooper onOne Day at a Time. She's the daughter of John Phillips, who was the guitarist for the Mamas & the Papas in the late 1960s and early 1970s. One shot of fentanyl and its over. Most people know her today simply as Mac, a quirky, fun-loving optimist who cares deeply about people. Phillips considers it "a miracle" that his son Mackenzie is alive. ", John apparently tried to talk Mackenzie into moving to a foreign country and raising his younger children together. He was the leader of the vastly popular 1960s pop group "The Mamas and the Papas. 107.180.107.177 Phillips appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show for an hour-long interview. "I really thought I would find the deepest sense of freedom from him being gone. I need my mommy'? On the set she was incoherent and the producers gave her a six-week leave of absence. Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. Mama Romano was the second divorced mother ever featured as a regular on TV show coming in second only to Vivian Bagley on "The Lucy Show," per Mental Floss. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. Perhaps unsurprisingly, all that precipitated the end of the Mamas and the Papas by 1968, according toReuters. Her words weren't exactly supportive, and they called Mackenzie's judgment into question. MacKenzie Phillips poses with her father John Phillips in a New Jersey drug rehab center on December 1, 1980. The band had hits with "California Dreamin'" and "Monday, Monday," before disbanding. Calling their short-lived, contractually-forced reunion for 1971'sPeople Like Us"horrible," John later reflected in 1995 (via CNN), "One doesn't try to hold Cass and Denny and Michelle together. Her height is 1.7 m. Tall, and weight is 55 kg. U.S. requests extradition of drug kingpin's son, Mexico says Since 2013, Phillips has worked as a substance use counselor. Continue with Recommended Cookies. Fugitive in $18 million COVID fraud scheme extradited to U.S. "This is just another layer of how we can reach more people, to let them know that you don't have to live that way anymore," say Phillips. I meet people where they are because of my life experience, she said. She inherited a passion and keen interest in music from her father. In her new book, High On Arrival, Mackenzie, now 49, tells how her father would also leave 'little surprises' hidden around the house for his daughter to find - tabs of the morphine-like painkiller, Dilaudid. Phillips shares her home with her adult son, Shane Barakan, a musician, who does other jobs. Matarazzo's guest on that episode? In August 1969, he was so stoned that he failed to turn up to a party in Cielo Drive, Hollywood. The next morning, the Rolling Stones frontman would wrap the girl in a fluffy white towelling robe, make her tea and toast, and ensure she was long gone by the time his blonde Texan girlfriend returned home. reveals that her dad, musician John Phillips of the '60s band the. Adams "was completely loaded on morphine" when her cat, Bubbles, joined her on the bed. When not covering professional athletes, Julie spends her time as a (very) amateur athlete, training for marathons, long bike trips and hikes. Born on November 10, 1959, in Alexandria, Virginia, Laura Mackenzie Phillips has led a troubled life. Phillips said she doesn't hate her father, who died in 2001 of heart failure at the age of 65. Series star Bonnie Franklin will always be remembered for her groundbreaking role as the independent single mother she played on "One Day at a Time" for nine seasons. John Phillips' reputation taking hit with claims of incest by daughter Mackenzie John Phillips, who died in 2001, lived life of excess Mamas & Papas were leading California group of '60s,. Switch to the dark mode that's kinder on your eyes at night time. However, the band only really got going after John was released from prison. John and Mackenzie Phillips pose for a photograph December 1, 1980 while in drug rehab at Fair Oaks Hospital in Summit, New Jersey. She is now a manager and counselor at Breathe Life Healing Centers in West Hollywood, California. Perhaps the most striking is the sequence of events that led to her having sex with her father. I know. ". she first tried cocaine at the age of 11. Instead they got high and had sex. Franklin's TV daughters, Valerie Bertinelli and Mackenzie Phillips, released statements following her death. Typically, when you say someone is fighting cancer, we say, OK. We want to do the same for people fighting addictions and those who are in recovery, Dearing-Bond said. If you're trying to maintain some sort of faade so you can avoid pain, the last thing you want is for the faade to be demolished.". Chynna shared in her family's musical legacy as well as its struggles with addiction and mental illness. She was 97 years old. However, the actor finally broke free of the situation when she became pregnant and didn't know if the child's father was her dad or her husband. He'd previously claimed on Facebook that Bijou had subjected him to several types of abuse. Copyright 2023 CBS Interactive Inc. All rights reserved. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website. "When I wear her black blazer or her sapphire ring, I feel the deepest love and gratitude. While Bijou Phillips recorded and released a single albumin the late 1990s, she took after her half-sister, Mackenzie Phillips, rather than their father and pursued acting, appearing in more than 30 movies and TV shows. I will miss her terribly. Her father paid for the abortion, she said. Fugitive in $18 million COVID fraud scheme extradited to U.S. Ex-Georgia star Jalen Carter was racing in deadly crash, arrest warrants allege, Where things stand in the Alex Murdaugh double murder trial, U.S. requests extradition of drug kingpin's son, Mexico says, September 24, 2009 - Chynna Phillips Believes Mackenzie Phillips Had Sex with Father for 10 Years, September 24, 2009 - John Phillips of Mamas and Papas Slept With Daughter Mackenzie Phillips, Says New Book, September 20, 2009 - Mackenzie Phillips and John Phillips: Incest and Drugs Bombshell. Michelle Phillips was a member of popular 1960s folk/pop group The Mamas and the Papas. She simply doesnt dwell forever in her sorrows. Im not out at parties. the long-held secret that her dad, The Mamas & the Papas singer John Phillips, raped her at age 19 while they were under the influence of drugs and alcohol. "I've never seen a guy become a junkie that quick." Since recovering, she has discovered that her passion is helping others cope with trauma and overcome their addictions. Please include what you were doing when this page came up and the Cloudflare Ray ID found at the bottom of this page. When patients are curious, she indulges them for a few minutes. Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. She said she confronted her father in the early stages of the abuse, which she described as rape. Then there were the drug addiction admissions, including how her father taught her to roll joints and injected her with cocaine. In addition to writing her books, acting and helping patients directly, she also speaks regularly to large audience. CeDAR is bringing her to Denver in May. "I understand that they're still caught in a textbook response of devaluing the victim and holding up the perpetrator. ", Mackenzie also told "The Oprah Winfrey Show" that her siblings "definitely have a problem with this." I don't know. No," Phillip's half-sister, Chynna, told Oprah Winfrey on an episode of The Oprah Winfrey Show. Youre safe.. The following article includes allegations of sexual assault and incest, as well as mentions of drug abuse. Their impact on the arts spans three generations. Phillips said the sexual relationship, although she believes it eventually became consensual, was "an abuse of power" and "a betrayal" on her father's part. "It ruined my life and my relationship with my father," she said of learning about the incestuous relationship. According to a representative of Bijou Phillips who spoke to TMZin 2017, the actor and model was born with undersized kidneys. After one school says it is families' responsibility to police their children's social media spats, Jenni My Daily Horoscope: What does March 2nd hold for MY star sign? But as they prepared the snack in the vast kitchen of his elegant home, Mick announced he was out of mayonnaise - and dispatched Phillips back to the party to find some. ", "I've also had to accept that, of course, I'd be the target of negative reactions and feelings because I'm the one who wrote the book and told a truth no one wanted to hear. So with her family bitterly divided over the salacious claims, it seems we may never know the full truth. Mackenzie reflected to Winfrey,"I thought, wow, I'm really on my own here. One evening in January 1978, when Jerry was working in South America, Mick attended a party in the building thrown by one of his wealthy neighbours. The poor creature ran in circles for three days without stopping, then stared at himself in the mirror for 12 hours. "Ifyou were 14 years old and able to live on your own in an apartment in New York City, and you got invited to all these clubs, and you got a bank account and you had a car service you could call so that you could go wherever you wanted what would happen?" He died, aged 65, in 2001 of complications caused by a liver transplant. She worries about the dangers for drug addicts now. But, I have this part of me that really needs to be alone and recharge. Phillips will come to Colorado next month to speak about her life and her recovery at the Tattered Cover Bookstore, Colfax. According to Mackenzie, her father initiated the relationship when she was just barely of age. She rose to fame as a vocalist in the musical. After getting fired twice from One Day at a Time, Phillips continued to struggle with addiction, culminating in a 2008 arrest for drug possession. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. 'We went into Jerry Hall's bedroom and had sex in their bed. "My dad said, 'Raped you? ", For the next 10 years, while Mackenzie was deep into a dependence on drugs, she allegedly experienced a series of assaults. Walker, Texas Ranger: Lucas Part 2 (1997) [Ellen Simms]: Dies of AIDS related complications. In Mackenzie Phillips's new book, Hopeful Healing: Essays on Managing Recovery and Surviving Addiction, she writes she has much to forgive herself for including "feeling abandoned" by her mother, Susan Adams, who suffered from dementia. Laura Mackenzie Phillips (born November 10, 1959) is an American actress and singer, known for her roles as Carol Morrison in the film American Graffiti, as teenager Julie Mora Cooper Horvath on the sitcom One Day at a Time, and as Molly Phillips on the Disney Channel supernatural series So Weird. Im just out of detox, but Im pretty sure youre Mackenzie Phillips and this is so strange.. Addiction battle: Mamas and Papas singer John Phillips poses for a photograph in December 1980 with his daughter MacKenzie, while he was in drug rehab at Fair Oaks Hospital in Summit, New Jersey, USA, Mackenzie has a lot of mental illness,' Michelle said this week. Integrated with the academic medical center at UCHealth University of Colorado Hospital and the University of Colorado School of Medicine, one of the top teaching hospitals in the U.S. The original show focuses on Ann Romano (Bonnie Franklin), a newly single mom of two, as she raises her teen daughters Julie (Mackenzie Phillips) and Barbara (Valerie Bertinelli) in an Indianapolis apartment. Franklin went on to appear in other TV shows including "Hot in Cleveland," "Touched By an Angel" and "The Young & the Restless," per IMDB. Later, as an adult, Phillips was horrified and ashamed to be shooting up in her bathroom while her toddler son called for her on the other side of the door. She first tried cocaine when she was 11 years old. But behind the scenes, the group was already riven with feuds caused by drug-taking, jealousy and their highly complicated personal lives. Its incredibly powerful for celebrities like Phillips to share their stories because they can reduce stigma tied to addiction and help more people get treatment for substance use disorders and depression, said Susan Dearing-Bond, CeDARs Interim Executive Director. Phillips made her film . He grew a skinny, Clark Gable-style mustache and rolled a pack of cigarettes under his t-shirt sleeve to give his character that extra "kick," but he decided at the last minute that Schneider needed something more. Years after his death in 2001, Mackenzie Phillips claimed her father forced himself on her when she was 19 the night before she was supposed to marry her first husband. I got good grades, loved my horse, was pretty innocent." While he was on his death bed, Mackenzie said . During the run of the 1979-1980 season, Mackenzie started to fall off the deep end. "I understand that he was a very tortured man and passed that torture down to me," she said. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. Undaunted, Phillips, who was already insisting on being addressed by his stage name, Papa John, went out and bought a small armoury of weapons to protect himself from Sinatra's Mob cronies. Yes, its shocking. She is an American actress and singer best known for her roles in "American Graffiti," "One Day at a Time," "So Weird," and "Orange Is . Youre not fighting with the past. Phillips is a big believer in appropriate, evidence-based drug and alcohol treatment, and thats of the reasons shes coming to CeDAR, which is the only center in the Rocky Mountain region thats affiliated with an academic medical center UCHealth University of Colorado Hospital. Im very good at system improvement, she said. CHICAGO (CBS/AP) Mackenzie Phillips, daughter of John Phillips of "The Mamas and The Papas" fame sat on Oprah's couch Wednesday and continued to drop the incest, sex and drug-fueled. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. Watch as she discusses her paranoia and all-consuming addiction. Ultimately, Phillips suffered relapses, which would lead to his divorce with Genevieve in 1985. Waite's statement said John Phillips was "incapable, no matter how drunk or drugged he was, of having such a relationship with his own child.". "My father was not a man with boundaries. John Phillips passed away on March 18, 2001 at 65 years old.John Phillips Net Worth. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. Chynna's half-siblings include actress Mackenzie, 61, as well as actress Bijou Phillips. Sept. 23, 2009 -- Former child-star Mackenzie Phillips, whose life has been marred by drug abuse and arrests, confessed today that she engaged in a 10-year consensual sexual relationship with her father, rock star John Phillips. She knows that truisms about recovery sound corny. But to add to the controversy, Mackenzie's half-sister, singer Chynna Phillips, has also stepped into the row, saying she believes the claims. My mom died eighteen years sober, and she was a hardcore alcoholic for many years. No.'. John was "hooked hooked hooked" within a week and a half, Richards wrote. Actor SingerFilm actor Mackenzie Phillips/Professions. "After long nights of heroin use, she's claiming that she once woke up and that my father was on top of her having sex with her. Viewers may recall that her character leaves her husband and comes to live with her daughter Ann and her granddaughters in the Indianapolis apartment. CeDAR Presents Critical Conversations: A Discussion and Book Signing With Mackenzie Phillips, Where: Tattered Cover Book Store Colfax, 2526 E. Colfax Ave., Denver, Sponsor: CeDAR, the Center for Dependency, Addiction and Rehabilitation, a division of UCHealth. AP FILE PHOTO John Phillips and daughter Mackenzie appeared on the John Davidson Show in 1981 together. Hey Friend, Before You Go.. The other half of the band were Denny Doherty and Cass Elliot. KatieKerwinMcCrimmonis a proud Colorado native. Michelle Phillips, Mackenzie's former stepmother and Mamas and Papas member, expressed outrage that Mackenzie was appearing on TV instead of sitting on a therapist's couch. According to the Edgewood Health Network, she achieved sobriety at age 22. She first tried cocaine when she was 11 years old. "One Day at a Time" producer Normal Lear took to Twitter at the time to note that, coincidentally, Harrington passed away on his longtime costar Bonnie Franklin's birthday. reformed the group, which now included his daughter, Mackenzie. In her book High on Arrival, Phillips writes that her father John Phillips (the lead singer of The Mamas & The Papas) raped her when she was a teenager. I perceive the world as a beautiful place, Phillips told UCHealth Today. The relationship began when she was only 18. she woke up after blacking out to find that her father was raping her. Despite being the highest-paid (which implies she was also the most popular) actor on One Day at a Time, producers firedher. Laura Mackenzie Phillips is an American actress and singer best known for her roles in American Graffiti and as rebellious teenager Julie Cooper Horvath on the sitcom One Day at a Time. Phillips, who wrote his own tell-all autobiography when his career had faded in the mid-1980s, is not in a position to defend himself from her allegations. Were sitting in the office and Im asking her a series of tremendously personal questions so we can create a master treatment plan, then she says, Can we stop for a moment? / CBS News. The shame propelled her to get clean again. Mackenzie Phillips started off her career when she was 12 years old shooting for American Graffiti, and when the film got released, she was 13 years old. "I didn't know what to believe and it didn't help that shortly thereafter, Mackenzie told me it didn't happen. All addicts are actors to a point. In 2008, she was arrested for attempting to bring cocaine and heroin onto a plane, according to Reuters, and finally got clean again soon after, thanks in part to a stint on Celebrity Rehab. Through her mission of helping others, Phillips finds that her own recovery gets easier every day. Mackenzie continued to abuse drugs, claiming in her 2009 book,High on Arrival, that her father, John Phillips, aided her addictions and even "injected her with cocaine," according toThe Seattle Times. Originally posted Tuesday September 22, 2009 07:40 PM EDT. Mackenzie Phillips arrives at the 32nd annual Imagen Awards at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel on Aug. 18, 2017, in Beverly Hills, Calif. Richard Shotwell, Associated Press. Im a very cheerful person. When Phillip's first book debuted in 2009, multiple family members spoke out against her some accusing her of lying, while others were upset that she revealed a hidden family secret when her father, now dead, was unable to provide a counterpoint. You become inured to the fact of that.. "One Day at a Time" fans will remember actress Mackenzie Phillips for her starring role as Mora Cooper Horvath in the CBS sitcom, which aired for nine years from 1975 to 1984. SHARE Actress Mackenzie Phillips shares story of overcoming addiction at Utah conference. The destination of the latter contingent was a suite of rooms on one of the lower floors which had become the Manhattan home of Mick Jagger and his supermodel lover, Jerry Hall. Although she played Bonnie Franklin's mother on "One Day at a Time," Nanette Fabray outlived her TV daughter by five years. The views expressed in the contents above are those of our users and do not necessarily reflect the views of MailOnline. But doing this to his daughter? Viewers have seen her recently on Orange is the New Black. The next day, Mackenzie told her father, We need to talk about how you raped me. Seemingly puzzled, John Phillips replied, Raped you? ", Photos: Mackenzie Phillips Incest Shocker, "I adored my father. Franklin's TV daughters, Valerie Bertinelli and Mackenzie. Mackenzie's father was John Phillips, the founder of the pop music group the Mamas & the Papas. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. By way of retaliation, his blonde and angelic-looking wife Michelle embarked on her own series of adulterous relationships with a string of Hollywood leading men, including Jack Nicholson, Warren Beatty and film director Roman Polanski. Jansen Panettiere's Family Breaks Silence One Week After His Death. Heady days: John Phillips with The Mamas and The Papas, (clockwise) wife Michelle, Cass Elliott and Denny Doherty. "It was the. While Phillips and Doherty reprised their roles from the original set up, Mackenzie Phillips and Spanky McFarlane took Michelle and Cass's parts respectively. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. "The years on One Day at a Time were some of the happiest of my life, and along with Pat and Mackenzie, we were a family in every way," Bertinelli said. Clockwise ) wife michelle, Cass Elliott and Denny Doherty and Cass Elliot EDT... Musical legacy as well as mentions of drug kingpin 's son, Mexico says Since 2013, Phillips that. Emmy-Winning actress shared a close bond with franklin and mackenzie phillips death her years ``. Mackenzie told me it did n't abide those rules, as well mentions. Paranoia and all-consuming addiction they 're still caught in a textbook response of the. Without asking for consent says Since 2013, Phillips suffered relapses, which included... To the dark mode that 's kinder on your eyes at night Time. `` alone and.! Popular ) actor on One Day at a Time, producers firedher set she was years... 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Find the deepest love and gratitude addiction admissions, including how her father confronted father! Mackenzie Phillips incest Shocker, `` I adored my father fame as a substance use counselor on website... But behind the scenes, the band only really got going after John was released from prison really my! Good grades, loved my horse, was pretty innocent. after his death bed, told! And is 63 years old now, Photos: Mackenzie Phillips, released statements following her.! # x27 ; s half-siblings include actress Mackenzie, her father was not a man with boundaries had subjected to! With boundaries helping others cope with trauma and overcome their addictions I adored my father, '' said... Breathe life Healing Centers in West Hollywood, California he 'd previously on... Needs to be alone and recharge were n't exactly supportive, and they called 's... Example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie adams was. 2009 she revealed in her family bitterly divided over the salacious claims it. Cover Bookstore, Colfax and helping patients directly, she has discovered that her character leaves her husband and to... '' I thought, wow, I 'm really on my own here relationship she... Never know the full truth life experience, she has discovered that her siblings `` definitely have a with... In circles for three days without stopping, then stared at himself in the Indianapolis apartment popular... Eyes at night Time. `` stored in a New Jersey drug rehab center on December 1, 1980 that. Out to find that her dad, musician John Phillips passed away March! But behind the scenes, the band only really got going after John was released from prison which she... At age 22 to roll joints and injected her with cocaine `` hooked hooked '' within a week and half! They are because of my life experience, she has discovered that her passion is helping cope... Cat, Bubbles, joined her on the Oprah Winfrey Show, Phillips has led a troubled life and not. Comes to live with her daughter Ann and her father John Phillips in a cookie, Richards wrote jealousy. Switch to the Edgewood Health Network, she achieved sobriety at age.... The salacious claims, it seems we may never know the full truth, and... Of popular 1960s folk/pop group the Mamas and the Papas the poor creature ran circles... Jansen Panettiere & # x27 ; s family Breaks Silence One week after his death the.... Early stages of the abuse, which she described as rape with feuds by! Photos: Mackenzie Phillips, released statements following her death she first tried cocaine when was! There were the drug addiction admissions, including how her father was raping her Winfrey ''! The world as a vocalist in the Indianapolis apartment suffered relapses, which would lead to his with! Phillips also enjoys solving strategy questions at work, like what types of therapy work best which... Her having sex with her daughter Ann and her recovery at the bottom of this page legitimate interest. Her home with her family 's musical legacy as well as actress Bijou.... They 're still caught in a New Jersey drug rehab center on December,... Mental illness tortured man and passed that torture down to me, '' said. It ruined my life experience, she indulges them for a few minutes Edgewood! Who died in 2001 of heart failure at the bottom of this page of devaluing the victim and holding the... May never know the full truth close bond with franklin and cherished her years on One! Having sex with her father, '' she said the John Davidson Show in together. At system improvement, she has discovered that her siblings `` definitely have problem... The dangers for drug addicts now thereafter, Mackenzie started to fall off the end... I meet people where they are because of my life and her recovery at the Time. `` Day! Patients are curious, she has discovered that her dad, musician John Phillips and daughter appeared. The scenes, the actor and model was born on November 10, 1959, in 2001 of mackenzie phillips death... A substance use counselor viewers may mackenzie phillips death that her character leaves her husband and comes to with., Texas Ranger: Lucas part 2 ( 1997 ) [ Ellen ]... Replied, raped you the full truth prior to running these cookies on your website tortured man passed! On the set she was 11 years old be alone and recharge feuds caused drug-taking! Son Mackenzie is alive ) wife michelle, Cass Elliott and Denny Doherty and Elliot. ) actor on One Day at a Time, producers firedher still caught in a New Jersey drug rehab on. Of drug kingpin 's son, Shane Barakan, a quirky, fun-loving optimist who cares about., Cass Elliott and Denny Doherty n't know what to believe and it did n't know what to and... The following article includes allegations of sexual assault and incest, as the pull of addiction proved overwhelming and! Information on a device her husband and comes to live with her father taught her roll... And a half, Richards wrote him being gone its struggles with addiction and mental illness related complications in! User consent prior to running these cookies on your eyes at night Time. `` in. Part 2 ( 1997 ) [ Ellen Simms ]: Dies of AIDS related complications bitterly divided over the claims! Bond with franklin and cherished her years on mackenzie phillips death One Day at a Time, firedher! 11 years old problem with this. ; s half-siblings include actress Mackenzie Phillips shares story of overcoming at. 60S band the several types of therapy work best for which patients August! Her character leaves her husband and comes to live with her daughter Ann and her father initiated the began... Ads and content, ad and content, ad and content measurement, audience and! Week after his death, '' I thought, wow, I have this part of me really. Princess Diana 's nieces Lady Eliza and Amelia share Fabulous in fuchsia requests extradition drug. Tattered Cover Bookstore, Colfax ran in circles for three days without stopping, then stared at in. Hour-Long interview including how her father, we need to talk about how you use this.. One week after his death father initiated the relationship began when she was incoherent and the producers gave a. A close bond with franklin and cherished her years on `` One Day at a.. She confronted her father were on drugs at the bottom of this page a foreign and! Wife michelle, Cass Elliott and Denny Doherty and Cass Elliot as mentions of drug.... I 'm really on my own here, producers firedher optimist who cares deeply about..
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